Why can't I feel anything?

Oliver, the best thing you can do for yourself is to get help. Look up the mental health department in your county - they usually have free programs and help for people who don't have insurance or who have very low income. If you don't make much money, you might qualify for medicaid; no one should be without health insurance. If you're not comfortable with either of those, go to a AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) or NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meeting. There will be people there going through the same things you are. They'll understand you. They'll help you. And it's free.